My mind, to follow or to flow

I have always wondered what the problem was. I feel that my mind and my superficial mouth and body acts differently, more that my mind knows the true me and my mouth tries to look for conformity.

Why though? why do I go against the strongest part of me? It is like anyone could ask me something and I don’t want to be mistaken to care or agree, but really in that instance, I am trapped like a “Walter Mitty”.

I am someone who loves loneliness and silence and this would be surprising at best, because I can be loud and brash when need be. I feel that it would shock people to what level of loneliness I can happily be. I am not sure, if this is due to lives lived in the past. Sometimes, I can summarise my past and I think, WOW! who would’ve known that all of that pain and history would one day be a summary, quick and painless uttered in perpetual irony.

My transcendence occurred many years ago, so much so that I believe that this life for me is not real, I feel like I am indebted a do over.

I am, I am it’s only fair because ultimately those cicatrix, lesions those bruises that tore into my psyche need healing. But again this is why question “My mind, to follow or to flow?”©